私は自分自身を憎む


わたしは、あなたを愛しています


adventuresofpeanut:

Some more flattering angles.

(via drugsauce)


"

And I want to play hide-and-seek and give you my clothes and tell you I like your shoes and sit on the steps while you take a bath and massage your neck and kiss your feet and hold your hand and go for a meal and not mind when you eat my food and meet you at Rudy’s and talk about the day and type up your letters and carry your boxes and laugh at your paranoia and give you tapes you don’t listen to and watch great films and watch terrible films and complain about the radio and take pictures of you when you’re sleeping and get up to fetch you coffee and bagels and Danish and go to Florent and drink coffee at midnight and have you steal my cigarettes and never be able to find a match and tell you about the tv programme I saw the night before and take you to the eye hospital and not laugh at your jokes and want you in the morning but let you sleep for a while and kiss your back and stroke your skin and tell you how much I love your hair your eyes your lips your neck your breasts your arse your

and sit on the steps smoking till your neighbour comes home and sit on the steps smoking till you come home and worry when you’re late and be amazed when you’re early and give you sunflowers and go to your party and dance till I’m black and be sorry when I’m wrong and happy when you forgive me and look at your photos and wish I’d known you forever and hear your voice in my ear and feel your skin on my skin and get scared when you’re angry and your eye has gone red and the other eye blue and your hair to the left and your face oriental and tell you you’re gorgeous and hug you when you’re anxious and hold you when you hurt and want you when I smell you and offend you when I touch you and whimper when I’m next to you and whimper when I’m not and dribble on your breast and smother you in the night and get cold when you take the blanket and hot when you don’t and melt when you smile and dissolve when you laugh and not understand why you think I’m rejecting you when I’m not rejecting you and wonder how you could think I’d ever reject you and wonder who you are but accept you anyway and tell you about the tree angel enchanted forest boy who flew across the ocean because he loved you and write poems for you and wonder why you don’t believe me and have a feeling so deep I can’t find words for it and want to buy you a kitten I’d get jealous of because it would get more attention than me and keep you in bed when you have to go and cry like a baby when you finally do and get rid of the roaches and buy you presents you don’t want and take them away again and ask you to marry me and you say no again but keep on asking because though you think I don’t mean it I do always have from the first time I asked you and wander the city thinking it’s empty without you and want what you want and think I’m losing myself but know I’m safe with you and tell you the worst of me and try to give you the best of me because you don’t deserve any less and answer your questions when I’d rather not and tell you the truth when I really don’t want to and try to be honest because I know you prefer it and think it’s all over but hang on in for just ten more minutes before you throw me out of your life and forget who I am and try to get closer to you because it’s beautiful learning to know you and well worth the effort and speak German to you badly and Hebrew to you worse and make love with you at three in the morning and somehow somehow somehow communicate some of the overwhelming undying overpowering unconditional all-encompassing heart-enriching mind-expanding on-going never-ending love I have for you.

"

Sarah Kane, Crave (via hqlines)

(via drugsauce)




My symptoms were gone for a few weeks. I was just dizzy and fatigued (always fatigued) as usual. Today though I got really dizzy during bowling. I felt swervy on the roads. Couldn’t concentrate. I can’t focus. Can’t keep my mind on the road. I almost feel like driving isn’t real. If I crash it’ll be fine I’ll just pick up A health pack get a new car and be fine. Just like in a video game. I feel like I tend to drift from reality from time to time and it doesn’t feel safe to me. Anyway, driving home tonight my right hand started to go numb which never happens. It’s always been my left side and it kind of scares me that it was my right hand tonight. But I knew that it wasn’t going to be good. Now I’m laying in bed stuck here I feel like I can’t get up. My muscles are very tight my legs and my left arm and I can kind of feel it in my right arm as well. I can feel my bicep tensing and it’s kind of painful but I can’t un-tense it. My left arm is stuck in this position that’s not normal. My muscles are so tight that my fingers are just sticking out like claws. I can feel them tingling and I try to move them and they move a little bit but I can’t. And for the past half hour to 45 minutes my right leg mainly on occasion my left legkeeps having violent tremors. At one point it put me on my left side. And I don’t know what to do. I had to reschedule my appointment for neurology until December. And I originally went for the referral in June this is been too long of a wait.


alt-j:

nah I think we should really stop glorifying cigarettes

(via pushthepulldoor)




"Act like you trust people, but don’t."

Anonymous  (via unzo)

(Source: moeyhashy, via pushthepulldoor)


theheartofachiefsoulofadragon:

monobeartheater:

chief-blue-meanie:

chief-blue-meanie:

“I keep rearranging the letters of my sisters The Beatles sign on her bedroom door.

She is not happy.” 

I’ve given up trying to make them normal.

imageimageimageimageimageimageimageimage

ok and now there’s another one

image

i didnt know the beatles could become so many words

Eh seatbelt

(via lacydew)




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